Feeling mighty low

So discouraged today.  On Feb. 23 Thing One brought home his Thursday folder with a note that he hadn’t had to sign the book (what they do when they get into trouble) at ALL that past week!  We were thrilled, because I don’t think that’s happened before, a complete trouble-free week.  He was so proud of himself, and shortly after that he said he was going to have a good six weeks, he was going to get an S in conduct (S for satisfactory, which would be a huge improvement from his usual conduct mark, U for unsatisfactory).  I was amazed – he had a goal.  He doesn’t have goals, he just doesn’t think that far ahead most of the time.  But sadly, since then it’s been one thing after another, and right now my heart is just breaking for him.  He’s signed the book four times this week.  He forgot to bring home his Thursday folder last week (the folder that comes home with conduct marks and grades for the week), and he forgot it again today.  He said there was a progress test in there that he was supposed to correct tonight and return tomorrow, and if he didn’t get it done, he’d have to go see the principal tomorrow.  As he realized that he wouldn’t get those corrections done and that he would be making a trip to the principal’s office, he just started sobbing.  He’s scared to death of what’s going to happen – he said the principal’s rage meter would probably break, she’d be so mad at him.  😦  I told him that if she got that mad at kids who didn’t get things done right, she probably wouldn’t have been in education as long as she has, and I doubted her rage meter would break, although I expected she’d have a very serious conversation with him.  I told him I was sorry he was so upset, but I couldn’t fix it for him, I couldn’t help – the folder didn’t come home, the paper wouldn’t be corrected for tomorrow, and that was that.

I just feel so discouraged and so down.  He struggles and I don’t know how to help him.  Tonight he said he was just stupid for forgetting his folder (he took it out of his binder to write grades in it, and then put it in his desk instead of back in his binder, and he left it in his desk).  He’s not stupid.  He’s just careless and not real good at thinking ahead.  He told me I should have written a note to remind him.  I said that he’d been bringing this folder home every week for the better part of a school year now, and I shouldn’t have to be reminding him, but maybe I should.  He still doesn’t know his times tables.  He wanted me to give him the answers to his multiplication facts tonight for his homework, “so it could get done faster”, and I told him no.  I told him he needed to learn them, because I couldn’t be there with him when he had to know them on a test.  He said he wished I could be.  *sigh*

He asked me if I ever had to go to the principal’s office when I was in school, and I told him no.  He said I was lucky, and I told him not necessarily, I was just wired differently as a child than he is.  It kills me that he’s having such a difficult time (and the fact that I was one of those disgustingly good kids who did everything right in school isn’t helping me now, when I have a child who isn’t one of those kids – not that he’s intentionally bad, he just can’t seem to manage to be good).  I had hoped the CogMed program (a program the school is offering that’s designed to help improve attention, focus, working memory, etc.) would really be a turning point for him, but we’re more than halfway through it and seeing things like this.  I don’t know how to help my precious son.  What’s wrong with me, that I can’t figure that out?  Five medications for ADHD haven’t helped, but maybe we should try again.  Maybe therapy would help now where it didn’t before.  I.  Don’t.  Know.  I don’t like not knowing.  I’m mom, I’m supposed to be able to make the hurts better.  I’m failing my son.

And it didn’t help today that Thing One woke up around 3:00 this morning and didn’t go back to sleep.  Brian got up to go to the bathroom and found him awake, on the computer (which he knows he’s not supposed to do).  Yesterday was his last day of being grounded after the scare last week where I didn’t know where he was (there’s a blog post coming about that, too), and the computer stunt got him grounded again.  I know he didn’t get enough sleep, but I don’t know how to help him sleep.  He had a dose of melatonin last night.  If that doesn’t help, what do I try?  Sleeping pills?  He’s NINE.  I don’t want to mess up his sleep schedule even more by giving him medication and running the risk that he’ll never learn to go to sleep without it.

We were all grumpy and out of sorts tonight.  Brian had both boys for a bit until I got home, and since they were both on a tear, Brian was ready to pull his hair out and a bit short-tempered.  He took the salsa out of the fridge and broke it, and that got him upset, and that got me upset, because it felt like everything was just going to Hades in a handbasket with the evening and I was ready to go hide.  I hope a good night’s sleep at least improves everyone’s dispositions, even if it can’t fix all of life’s difficulties.  (And I hope Thing One SLEEPS.  All night.)

This is one of those days that really NEEDS to be covered in prayer.

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About bunkie68

Mom to boys. Happily married. Jesus follower. Avid reader. Amateur foodie. Scentsy consultant. I thrive on chocolate and strong coffee, and I need some extra hours in my day.
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