As I think I mentioned previously, we moved from the Dallas area back to my home state of Louisiana in June. (It’s good to be back in God’s country!) We were tickled that our moving truck referred to Louisiana, since that’s where we were headed.
Brian isn’t from Louisiana, but he was a good sport about the move, and I’m thankful for that. We figured he’d find a new job, it would be something new and different, and life would roll on.
But here it’s been three months and a little more since the move, and Brian’s job search has produced exactly nothing in terms of results. Not an interview, not a callback, and most definitely not a job. It’s not due to a lack of effort on his part. He’s applied to all sorts of things, he’s volunteering in hopes that that might help open up an opportunity, he’s taking civil service exams to try to move his work experience in a whole different direction. He’s trying, but as of yet, nothing is opening up.
The point at which this becomes most discouraging for me is when I get paid. That’s when I realize that no matter how I stretch it, no matter how we might try to live frugally and economize, my salary just is.not.enough to make ends meet. (Yes, I went to law school. Sadly, I realized after the fact that I have the intelligence but not the temperament to be the kind of attorney that makes a lot of money.) It frustrates me and scares me, and I do a lot of talking to God about the situation, and in the course of talking, I find myself wondering: What does it *really* mean to trust God to provide for our needs?
When we find ourselves stretched too thin moneywise, we try to think of things we can do (especially when we find ourselves slammed with back-to-back expensive car repairs like last month). Is there something we have that we can sell? Should we ask family if we can borrow money? Is there a second job I can take, something I can make and sell on Etsy, anything? We try to find a way to make ends meet. But lately I’ve wondered, when we do that, are we truly trusting in God’s provision? Clearly, my salary is not enough, but God isn’t constrained by the amount of my paycheck when it comes to providing. So, should we just sit and wait (as patiently as possible, which for me is not very) in anticipation of a blessing poured out? Or are we trusting as we try to find solutions, not knowing exactly how God might choose to provide? Because He can do that any way He wants, you know.
So what do you consider to be truly trusting in God to meet your needs? I don’t have an answer to this. I’ve prayed about it, but no answer has yet made itself clear to me. I guess as long as God doesn’t make the answer a resounding “Quit messing with stuff and just wait on me,” we’ll keep doing what we can when we find ourselves a bit short of cash. And we’ll definitely keep on praying for Brian to find a job.